ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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