His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
