How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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