I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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