so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Couch. On fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
