We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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