apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
