My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
