I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
