where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
