My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
