found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
