She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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