so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
