"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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