I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
