hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
