I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize