Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
