I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
