What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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