Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
