I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
