What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
