Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
