wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
