Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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