I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
