He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
