I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
