Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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