this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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