imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize