She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
