this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
