It's Friday. Sex?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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