i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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