it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
