I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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