I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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