escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
