next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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