We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
