can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
