My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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