i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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