I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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