Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
