Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
