Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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