He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
