I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
