Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
