I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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