i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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