im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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