And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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