I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
