hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
