We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
