I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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