no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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