we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
