Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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