why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
