What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
