So drunk its hurt
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
