Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
