I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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