sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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