My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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