I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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