The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
