If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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