Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
