So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
