No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
