i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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