I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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